5/17/2012

I dont neccessarily like talking about myself, but I beleive that it's important to know yourself.
If you don't know everything there is to know about you, then how can you expect anyone else to understand you?

I am a complicated girl, I know that.
I am country, but I love listening to older punk rock, punk pop, pop, and alternative music.
1985 by Bowling For Soup is one of my favorite songs
But don't get me wrong I will forever be a Chris LeDoux fan.

I'm really not a movie fan, I can tell you very very few actors names.
For that matter I can tell you very few movie names even
I love Lonesome Dove
Honestly I watched Lonesome Dove because of the George Strait song " That's My Kind of Woman" one of the lines says " Like me likes Gus from Lonesome Dove"
But honestly, I can't pick a favorite from it. I don't think it's Gus though.
Smokey and the Bandit is one of the greatest movies ever made.
My favorite show is a toss up between Heartland( a horse type of show) and How I Met Your Mother.
Yes, very different shows. Both favorites.
I hate most action movies.

I love to sing.
Some days I'm not bad at it.
But I only sing in private.
When I have kids, their lulluaby will be " All the Pretty Little Ponies"
And whatever song happens to be in my head.

I believe music has a big influence on kids whether they know it or not.

I can't stand silence.
The exception to that is when I am outside, then I love it.
But then that's not silence. That's the sounds of the wind in the grass or trees, birds, the horses moving around, or if I'm lucky enough to be by one; the sound of a shallow creek.
I love the smell of a country night , and the feel of the cool air after a long hot day.
I could tell you its the best feeling ever, but there are SO many things that are the best feeling ever to me.

I will look at a horse before I look at the guy riding it. And from there, I will judge the personality of the rider by his horse.
Horses are the best way to judge someones character. But, I did find out that some people can even hide their personality from a horse.

I will treat you like my horse, but by that I mean I will use the same techniques I use to figure out my horses on you.
That being said my horses will always come first.
If you pay close enough attention, and you know your way around a horse enough, you'll notice that just about everything I say or do can relate to working with a horse.
And I don't even realize I do it unless I really think about it.

I will be straight forward with you, I will not pussy foot around whats on my mind.
If I hurt you by being honest, I'm sorry. But I wouldn't respect myself if I was anything less than honest.

I brake for birds and butterflies.
I know the phrase " Pain is weakness leaving the body" ... but will someone please explain to me why it still hurts the second time around if that weakness was supposed to have been gone?

I have a terrible fear of Aye Ayes, they just freak me out! And they're always flipping you off!
I'm not a fan of alpacas and llamas either. They always have their ears back. Thats supposed to be a bad sign!
I don't want to be alone, but I don't want anyone close to me either. I'm not sure if I'm afraid to trust them, or afraid to trust myself. Is it that they aren't good enough for me, or that I'm not good enough for them? I think its the last one..
I'm afraid of having kids because I'm afraid I'll let them down. I'm afraid I'll fail them as a mother.
And for that matter, I'm afraid I'll fail in finding a good man to become their father.
Meaning I am  scared to death of divorce. I've seen the pain it causes and I want nothing to do with it.  
I'm afraid to look people in the eyes because I will believe everything they say, even though I've learned that some people can look you right in the eyes and lie.

I believe that a couple does not "complete" each other. They should "compliment" each other.
I'm no talking verbal compliments.
Your partner should be one who makes you like yourself better.
Honestly, I'm terrible at verbal compliments.
Yes, recieving them is nice. Giving them is good. But if I have to tell you more than a few times how I think you look good,or how nice it is that you do things for me, I'll just get frustrated.
I don't always tell someone I am thankful or that I love them. But I will always show it in little ways. They just have to care enough to notice.
I believe showing you love them or showing you're thankful means infinitely more than saying it ever will.
Though its still nice to hear.

I wonder if I'm the only one who read that statement " I dont always tell someone..." in the Dos Equis guys voice.
You will now.

I beleive there's someone out there who will look at me and think "Wow" about the little things I do.
Someone who admires how I am with my horses, someone who loves my sarcasm, someone who can't get enough of me.
Someone who thinks all my little quirks are absolutely adorable.
And someone who I admire in the same way. He's good with a horse, he loves the same music, he understands that me and my dog are bed hogs. Someone without tattoos, someone who doesn't chew. Someone who has the same deep fascination with a horse as I do. Someone who loves taking photos and being in them. Someone who is always honest and understands that you won't hurt me with honesty.

When I am in a relationship don't tell me "why are you putting on make-up, you don't have to look good for anyone out there anymore"
No, you're right, I don't have to look good to attract anyone. But I want to look good because when I'm out, even if I'm alone, I represent the man I am with. I want people to think "wow, he is one lucky guy".
But I need my guy to know that I am not dressing up to impress other guys, I am dressing up to make him feel good.
I need a guy who understands that yes, I will talk to other people, guys included. But I will make it known that I am taken. And if that doesnt stop a guy from complimenting me or hitting on me then I will leave, I will walk back to my guy if possible, or I will tell my guy what went on
I expect the same from him.


I HATE the game of " I love you more" just stop it. Love should be mutual, not an argument.

I will forgive just about anything. The exception is deception; lies.

I love knowing that I can make it through a tough situation on my own.
But that doesn't mean I have a problem accepting help. I just won't take it until know I for sure can or can't do it on my own.

you can tell me I'm pretty or whatever, but it's a better compliment to hear that I'm trustworthy, that I'm respectable, that I am strong willed and hard headed. Yes, stubborn is a compliment to me.
but now that I've put that in the open, I won't believe you if you tell me it now. Unless you've said it before.
I am proud of who I am and I am *usually* proud of how I act.
I enjoy being set in my ways, but I don't mind adjusting them if I see someone else has a better path
I have been raised with values and morals. I will always stand by them.
I have learned that peoples parents and other adults love me.
And I LOVE that parents love me. It means I'm doing something right.

I plan to be wearing white on my wedding day if you get what I mean, and I am proud of that.
Maybe that's why he cheated, but if that's he case I didnt need him anyway.
Come to think of it, even if that's not the reason. I didnt need him anyway.

What I pray for most often ( every night lately) is for wisdom to understand I need to follow Gods path for me. And for the strength to do that.
That adds to my prayers to keep my friends, family, animals and I all safe, happy and healthy.
As well as a thanks to the Lord for everything in my life, good or bad. Thanks for the great friends I have that help me through. And thanks for the chance I was given to grow up around horses.
I am a Christian.

I was asked in an interview to describe a time that I changed someones opinion. I couldnt think of anything. I'm more on compromise than change.
I was also asked of a time that I solved a big problem on my own. I drew a blank.
I believe in "Fix it and move on" , but if it's not fixed, I can't move on.
If I know I can't fix it no matter what I try, then its just time to move on.
I learned all about "fix it and move on" from a book written by a horse trainer, he was taught that by his horse.

I enjoy going out of my way to make someone smile. It makes my day.
Seeing that I had a part in making someone happy is another one of the best feelings.

I heard once that you should always make sure to make sure you aren't always the hero of your stories. Dreams, thoughts, etc. I believe that's important. Let others play a role in your life too. Dont always imagine yourself as the hero.

5 hours of sleep is the magic terrible number for me. I am so tired the next day for some reason
On the other hand if I get less, I'm hyper but totally out of it later in the day.
By out of it I mean completely random, laugh at anything, and then just crash.
I've been told its entertaining to see me that tired lol.

I may seem to be flirting, but how I was raised its not flirting. Its called talking. I'm just social like that.
If I'm flirting with you, you'll know.
If I am in to a guy, I've noticed I tend to run my hands through my hair a lot. But if I do that.
But then again, I do it when I'm just feeling good about myself too.
It's just a girls instinct I think.
I'm sure right now my body language isn't screaming out that I'm available.
It's most likely saying " yeah, I'm single, but what's it matter to you"?
I do appologize if I have ever seemed to be interested in someone and then just completely flipped personalities.
I'm very on the fence right now. Stuck between I want to meet a good guy and "RUN!"

You may consider some of these flaws, but I consider them good qualities to have. I don't care who you are, where you're from, or how I met you. If you're honest I admire you.

I hate the question game, if you have to play that, you don't have enough in common and the chemistry isn't there
Dating feels to me like I'm giving a job interview. But I suppose in a way I am. It's an interview for the position of my future husband
And if you try to hard to impress me, you'll fail. To me that just means that you're more likely to lie to me. Whether you catch your lie or not.
By acting like someone you want to be instead of who you really are, you're lying to me
I know the whole interview for future husband thing sounds like a total creeper status. But I agree that "if you can't see your self marrying someone, you're using them"-MaleMinded

What I want most in a relationship, honestly, is just to see that look that says " wow, you are so amazing" that look most guys don't realize they even have. I remember that look once or twice from old whats his name ( yes, I'm refferring to him as that for this statement) and I just remember it was the best feeling I think I have ever had. but I need someone who doesn't just love me when its convenient.
it's "whats his name" for that statement because I cant allow myself to relate that name to anything good.
Maybe once I can I know I'm ok again

However, that look from one guy I know...it kills me. Still love it, but it makes me almost want to stop doing what I'm doing.
Cause I can't let that happen. Just can't. I won't.

I do reserve the right to add to or change certain parts of this information ( basically anything that has anything to do with relationships) because I am in a bad spot with that right now.
I am hurting still.
I do have some BIG time trust issues. But, I am healing. But I think in order to believe anything, I'll always need to see proof.


And knowing that... it really does kill me.
I meet someone and I feel like I'm on this fence of " do I trust you or no"? and I never seem to go towards the "yes" side of that.

I do my best to be an open book.
I hate secrets

I'm sure there's so much more that I'm missing.. but I think this is probably the majority for now.
I keep being reminded of something I wrote back in high school. Somehow I related myself to a mustang. Read it a year or so ago again and it still pretty well applied...
I hope I can find it again someday.

I know that mystery is supposed to be "sexy" and attractive and what not. But like I said, I'm complicated... and everything about me seems to be something that people never stop learning about.
Heck, I'm still learning it all lol.
I've always believed that a person can tell you anything, but until you see or feel it for yourself, its all just words.

But I do love writing things like this, because I can compare what I am like now to what I am like in 5 years or so.
I can honestly say I must be pretty happy with who I am. Because I havent re-read anything lately that I totally disagreed with.